bear and deer

bear and deer, a photo by beulahry on Flickr.

Complete Consumption of Connection II

Complete Consumption of Connection II, a photo by beulahry on Flickr.

hands

hands, a photo by beulahry on Flickr.

tenenbaums

whoops

i haven't updated this in a really long tome here's some things

rescan

sorry

ugh

one more

everyone's doing it

yay

some prints

why the fuck do i even try

the past few days i've felt really weird. i think i forgot how to be me. maybe it's just 'cause i'm sick. i don't feel right.

well i'll bet you miss the sun

i don't love anyone

no no no no fears

i'm not gonna break
you keep tiptoeing around like i'm gonna break if you say the wrong thing
IM NOT GONNA BREAK
not today
not tomorrow
no fears





am i an awful person because i think the most beautiful song i've ever heard is lay lay off, faselam? i don't know how to deal with someone i like liking me and i think i wanna be a PRINT major

oh ohoho oh hohoohh oho ooooh

some stuff

the last day on earth

outside, the streets are too cold and white to put her foot down firmly and wander them in search of what it is that's gone off and left a hole in her throat. the sun pours in on the coffee stained mattress on the floor. in the one bit of shadow left on the bed made for a queen he's contorted himself into a snoring baby, turned and twisted to keep the sun out of his eyes; turned and twisted away from her. she watches his skin softly move with each breath under the grayish sheet they slept under last night. a smile's on his face but she knows it's not for her. she pretends, but she knows there's someone else he would have rather been with last night, but didn't have the heart to break hers. she's an outsider watching him, watching her life that seems to have all the answers to everyone and anyone who looks upon it, not too close so as not to see the cracks and shit smears.

they say  "you got it pretty good, kid."

they say  "everyone loves you," in that way that doesn't particularly include them. 

so what if they do?

if everyone in the world loved one person, but nobody told that one person, then that person would die alone.

what's worse?

to be shown that you are loved unconditionally by one person who loves other people as well, or for everyone to secretly love you, while their feeling you will never know? 

FUCK

IT FEELS LIKE MY UTERUS IS WRINGING OUT EVERY SINGLE BIT OF BLOOD AND NASTINESS THAT IS LEFT. I CANNOT KEEP ANY FOOD DOWN.

FUCK.

the things in my life (as of about a month ago)

my bathroom sick (oh yuckk)

my picture of a man i've never met/my brother's greatest life achievement 

my detailed diagram of things caused by continental glaciers signed by mr. a himself

my drawing table

my bed

20%

I bought a new skirt today (bought!). And I stole a sweater from Goodwill. My dad made a Good Will Hunting joke. Those Holly Golightly twats at Poor Little Rich Girl were playing the soundtrack to School of Rock. Mostly what pisses me off is they never say hi to anyone. So I went to the Garment District instead and Dollar a Pound was closed so I wept and spent $10 on a beautiful skirt made of jersey and love. The sweater I stole from Goodwill is yellow and mashed potatoes.  

Andrew Bird is ok. There are moments and things in his music that make me want to cry out of joy. Also Bowerbirds is wonderful, but both Bowerbirds and Andrew Bird have bird in their name and sound a little similar, like that same old indie music that sounds like feathers and breath and trees and sweat and the colours brown and olive green and the sound of beads in a wooden box. Which is great, but I've been so GO GO GADGET ELECTRONIC MUSIC lately that I forgot about this stuff and it's weird. And it all sounds the same, but I guess Electronic-y things sort of do, too. 

Ahhhh I forgot to eat anything today ahhhhhhhhhhh shit.